Exposed.

I wait for all of it to come to an end.

Drained.

Exhausted.

I feel the resistance against every breath I take. It feels so heavy to just take in the air, the weight of my anxiousness, self doubt, under confidence, worthlessness seems to make their way back to me. 

Reaching that point in life where I search for the reasons why people stay around me,

Consistently asking myself , “why do they talk to me ?” 

Has not done anything to help me grow confident.

I look into the mirror to see an annoying, attention seeking, fidgeting girl that constantly tells me I don’t deserve this , a monster that keeps roaring and encouraging to give up,clad in a skin and flesh glaring back at me. 

And then I am consumed by my doubts again. 

I’m still conscious of the eyes looking at me, the lips talking  about me, for once I want to just live, knowing I deserve all I have right now. I want to quit searching the answers to my ‘why’ people want me their life. For once I want to be able to trust myself, to be confident in myself. I want to be able to tell myself , that I am worthy of getting all the love and care. 

For one moment , I want to see beyond that monster staring back, I want to see that girl who is caged, the girl who is confident on living and loving. 

But all that seems hard, giving up seems to be easy way out, I don’t know how long it is before the monster manages to capture the girl in front of the mirror, take her to a world where she’s comfortable, where there are no eyes to judge, no lips to backbite, no masked men to leave her mid way, no friends to walk away from her. It’s just her, in her shell, taking those heavy breaths, waiting for all of it to end. 

_theclumsygirl.